Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Terhangat! Kes Altantuya: Pendedahan Versi Raja Petra Kamarudin

Berikut ialah penulisan terbaru dari Raja Petra Kamarudin, pemilik laman tersohor lagi berotoriti, Malaysia Today, dalam kolum beliau "NO HOLDS BARRED" (maksudnya lebih kurang -- Tiada kilas yang tak boleh). Setakat hari ini artikel ini masih lagi dalam versi Inggeris, namun saya percaya dalam tempuh dua tiga hari lagi, pembaca akan bertemu dengan versi Melayunya.

Untuk mengelak sebarang kerumitan dengan pihak berkuasa (mungkin), penulisan ini sengaja dibuat dalam bentuk parodi (parody). Tetapi bagi pembaca yang gemar dengan penulisan jenra (genre) konspirasi dan espionaj (perisikan) mesej berkod yang cuba disampaikan adalah jelas.

Baca perlahan-perlahan, dan saya yang yakin tuan/puan akan dapat menyelami ke dasar misteri pembunuhan Altantuya. Melalui penulisan ini Raja Petra Kamarudin merungkai misteri tersebut.

Plot nya adalah mudah. Altantuya adalah seorang perisik yang menjalin hubungan seks, serentak, dengan

28/11: Made in Malaysia

Raja Petra Kamarudin

The following is a work of fiction and any resemblance or similarities to events or people dead, still alive, or about to die is purely coincidental.

“And where will the setting be?”

“Well Ken, I thought that maybe the setting can be in Polynesia.”

“No Tim! Not Polynesia. That would involve too many location shots and it will jack up the cost. Make it a fictitious country, one that doesn’t exist. Then we can shoot the whole thing on the set. That would be cheaper.”

“Okay, how about we call it.....ah.....Bolenesia, yeah, Bolenesia. That sounds almost like Polynesia.”

“Great, let me look at the script.”

“I’m still working on the script, Ken. But it’s about 90% finished.....just a few loose ends to tie up.”

“When can you get it to me?”

“I can get it out by next week. But I thought I would discuss the plot with you first and add whatever inputs you may have to the script.”

“Okay, no problem. Does it have any sex scenes?”

“Sure, plenty of sex, plus also defence contracts, kickbacks, intrigue, and plenty of political conspiracies.....oh, and murder as well, one high profile murder.”

“That sounds good. Okay, run me through the salient points.”

“Alright, we open the scene with the police CSI team combing the area looking for clues. A jogger has discovered a dead body in an isolated field and called the police. We shall build up the plot to eventually show a cover-up and complicity by the police.”

“No, change that to.....ah.....yes.....the police actually committed the murder.”

“Yes, that’s great, the police committed the murder. Why not we make it the SWAT team committed the murder? That has more punch.”

“Okay....I got it.....no body.....forget the body. The SWAT team blew up the body and the CSI team is combing the area picking up bits and pieces of the body.”

“Wow! That’s even better. But then what motive? We need a motive. What’s the motive for the SWAT team murdering the man and blowing up his body? Furthermore, would not blowing up the body just scatter the evidence all over the place? Why not bury the body or melt it down in acid? Then there would be no evidence.”

“Good question. Okay.....motive.....what motive? Ah, I got it! They want to frame someone so they want the remains of the body to be found. That’s why they blew it up instead of melting it with acid or burying it.”

“The conspiracy angle that I have thought out is a power struggle between the President and his Deputy.”

“Alright, then why not we make the President the conspirator and he ordered the murder to frame his Deputy.”

“No, I am working on another angle. The chief conspirator in my script is the son-in-law of the President. He is behind the whole thing.

“Why the son-in-law?”

“Well, he wants to take over as President so he wants the Deputy out of the way. So he plans this murder to frame the Deputy.”

“And they arrest the Deputy?”

“No, they arrest the Deputy’s key man, the man who is holding the Deputy’s ill-gotten money under trust.

“The Deputy is crooked?”

“Everybody in Bolenesia is corrupted, even down to the priests in the Church.”

“No, change that. Make Bolenesia a Muslim country. That would be more real-life.”

“Yes, that’s right, most Muslim countries are corrupted anyway so it would be closer to reality.”

“Okay, the Deputy’s key man, how are you going to implicate him?”

“Well, in my script there is a girl, a French girl, who is the conduit for the illegal money. She sort of handles the money laundering for them using foreign bank accounts.”

“Hmmm.....no, change that. Make it a.....let me see......yes, make it a Tibetan girl. And she is very close to the Dalai Lama. So she has access to those in high places......oh, and it is the girl who they murdered. It is her remains that they find in the field. Changed the murdered man to a girl.”

“Okay, and what if we make her the Miss Tibet beauty pageant winner. But she lives in France. And that’s where they met.”

“Great, that too, plus she is close to the Dalai Lama. But why did they kill her?”

“Well, first of all, she is holding all the money for them in a Swiss Bank account. And with her out of the way then all the money would be stuck. The Deputy now cannot get to the money. Plus they manage to frame the key man for the murder as well. So it is like killing two birds with one stone.

“Great, and what about the sex scenes?”

“Well, we will do a flashback and show the Tibetan girl in bed with the Deputy. Then she comes out of the Deputy’s hotel room and gets into a chauffer driven car and we cut to the scene showing her knocking on the door of another hotel room. The President’s son-in-law opens the door and she goes in for the second sex scene. So we have two sex scenes back-to-back.

“Great! So she is having an affair with both the Deputy President as well as the President’s son-in-law. Great plot.”

“And I thought we will end with the Deputy President resigning because of the sex scandal and the President appointing a CIA agent as the new Deputy.”

“Hmm.....the CIA.....yes, we cannot leave them out. Whenever anything happens the CIA must always be involved somehow. But how will we show the connection?”

“Well, the CIA video-records the Tibetan girl and the President’s son-in-law having sex and they show the video to the President who almost collapses.”

“But for what purpose?”

“Well, Bolenesia is rich in oil and the US wants the oil cheap.”

“Yes, that will work. We can show the Bolenesian President having tea with Bush in the White House and he asks Bolenesia to supply them oil at below market price but the Bolenesian President declines. Then, when he leaves the room, Bush summons the CIA Director and asks him to ‘fix it’. The CIA Director then speaks to two of his operatives in Bolenesia and asks them to fix the President so that he has to go running back to them.”

“Why not we make the Tibetan beauty queen a CIA agent as well?”

“Yes, that’s right, and her assignment is to penetrate the Bolenesian government and have affairs with their key people. Sort of like Mata Hari. That would be very exotic.”

“And that could be another reason why they kill her. And the money is not actually in a Swiss back account but in a CIA dummy account. And they find out so they have to kill her.”

“Fantastic. Great plot. Okay, finish your script. And throw in some Russian defence contracts as well, maybe Russian submarines or something like that. That’s how they got their kickbacks.....and maybe also the supply of some nuclear components to North Korea. Maybe the President’s son can be the one supplying the nuclear components. So that implicates the Bolenesian President’s whole family. And Bush threatens to expose this if they still refuse to supply the oil.

“I’ll get the script to you next week. I just need to write in these new ideas. I think we have a great plot. Of course, none of this can actually happen in real life. It is too far fetched. But that’s movie business anyway. We deal in fantasies, not realities.”

“Yeah.....ha, ha, ha.....which stupid SWAT team would blow up a body?”

“Well, they are not really that stupid actually. They want the evidence to remain so that the CSI team can find it. It’s all part of the plot to frame the Deputy.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Maybe we can have the President falling instead. Then the Deputy takes over. It’s a CIA plot to remove the President so that the Deputy can take over.”

“What for?”

“For the oil of course. The Bolenesian President refuses to sell Bush the oil but the Deputy agrees.....I got it.....Forget about the son-in-law. The CIA video-tapes the Deputy having sex with the Tibetan girl and they blackmail him instead. He agrees to sell the US the oil but can’t because he is the number two. So they get rid of the President so that the Deputy can take over and sell the US all the oil they want at a cheap price.

“Wow! Okay, that sounds good. It’s getting even better. Okay, I will make the changes and get back to you next week.”

“Okay, chow, I’ll speak to Tom and try to get you the budget. Can you work with RM100 million?”

“Sure, since we will do all the shots on set and there will be very little location shots. But I haven’t lined up the cast yet.”

“Don’t worry about the cast. I will work on it. Let me have the script and I’ll pass it around. With this plot we can get many interested stars. We can get Jennifer Lopez to play the Tibetan girl.”

“But she doesn’t look Tibetan.”

“Never mind. She can have a Tibetan mother with a French father.....maybe a French diplomat who used to serve in Tibet. In fact, he is also a CIA agent and that’s how they managed to recruit her.”

“Okay, will do. Hey, I better get out of here or else we will never end. The possibilities are just too great.”

“Well, that’s the beauty of fiction. You can write the script any way you want. After all, none of this would ever actually happen in real life anyway.”

Nota: Raja Petra Kamarudin ialah sepupu DYMM Sultan Selangor.


Team Pemuda UMNO said...

JanganLAH berbaLAH lebih2 : )

Jom layari laman blog saya.
Masuk kat forum ;)


winter gurl said...

so apa mcm ? how d cases now? tutup tirai ?